What 6 years without you looks like…

I vividly remember the moment I heard my dad come into my room.

“hey darling… she’s gone.”

The words jagged and uneasy.

Tears in his throat, but a steady and strong look in his eyes.

I sat up in bed. And for a moment time stood still.

I knew this day would come.

But the moment wasn’t what I imagined. The feeling of falling to the ground and crumbling in fear didn’t come over me like they show in the movies.

My first thought was I needed to see her.

I needed to touch her.

I needed to see her sweet face,

that had become puffy and swollen and unrecognizable, but held that smile that could light up a room.

As I walked into her bedroom, it was dark and quite.

It was like walking into a dream, one of the ones you never want to have.

My dad had lit candles and placed them sparingly throughout this place that had once been the center of naps and jokes, but at this moment looked like heaven on earth.

She looked peaceful and at ease. She was just as beautiful as I could ever imagined.

Her head bald, coated with just a light fuzz.

Her eyes closed, but without pressure to open and fake a conversation.

Her pain was gone, and mine had just arrived.

Her hand still warm, softer than ever.

the hand that use to hold mine for 20 years, was now motionless.

Her body lay perfect, but her soul was gone. It was free and bright and finally for the first time in 3 months not locked in a body that was failing her.

When I thought about losing you mom, I never thought about how I would feel 6 years later.

6 years later… is today.

And it still hurts like hell.

I still feel my chest tighten and my eyes swell when I think of you.

How different life would be with you here.

6 years without your vibrant laugh and unstoppable lovable disposition.

How in 6 long years I can still love you the exact same and miss you more than the first day without you.

That in these 6 years so much has changed,

But there’s never a day that ends without me wishing I could walk into the kitchen and see your sweet face.

To me you will always be 52.

Shiny silver hair.

With a glow radiating from your face, that mostly came from your ears filled with earrings.

But also the luminosity that occupied any room you were in.

Because to me you were perfect.

And you still are.

6 years and I still don’t know where that time went.

Because im still the little girl in awe of the mother you are and i know you will always be.

If I could tell you anything its that we are doing alright down here.

That these last 6 years have been terribly hard.

But that we are not only making it, but we are striving and thriving.

We are building businesses and babies.

Traveling and loving.

We are healthy and happy and reliant on each other.

Life without you isn’t ideal.

But we are doing it and you would be so proud…

So on this day, today, and every year before we celebrate you.

So look here my sweet girl,

look at what 6 years of celebrating your life looks like….

my heart hurts. i miss you so much mama! but you are my beautiful angel now.

 

As I sit here with tears rolling down my face, I try to find the right words to explain this heartache. But all I can think of is how one year ago, today. The world lost such an amazing, kind and beautiful woman. I lost my mother, best friend and role model. My heart hurts so much. One year without you is one year too many… </3 I love and miss you my beautiful angel, more than I could’ve ever imagined. 1.31.11 Cindy Cox Wright

I have been trying to find the words to express what today means to me. But I honestly have been struggling. Words cannot describe how my heart aches. Today marks 2 years since my mother went to be with Jesus. It’s been 2 years that I haven’t seen her face or heard her wonderful laugh. I miss her every day. But I am so thankful that I was blessed with such a wonderful mother. She made my life so beautiful and continues to everyday…

 

Three years without you. Missing you forever my beautiful angel. I love you up to the sky mom ❤️

4 years without you… thank you for being the woman I strive to be. Love you my beautiful angel #missyoualways

There will never be a day, year or moment that I’m not missing you. 5 years ago my heart broke. You continue to show me what a wife, mother, friend and woman should be. Thank you for continuously being my rock and guiding me on this adventure we call life. I miss you more than anything.

Love you up to the sky, my beautiful angel. Cindy Cox Wright sending my love from Australia.


January 31, 2017.

Today, six years later, i reminisce on all the notes, balloons, love and joy we’ve sent to you.

Today, six years later is the first time I’ve re-read the eulogy Morgen, Erin and I read at your service. 

 

 

 

 

 

With a heavy heart, i have to say how i am missing you more than anything,

but how so unbelievably thankful that you are my mother.

That you have guided, strengthened and supported me through this journey. 

and just like 6 years ago, these feelings still remain…

 

Mama girl, i love you up to the sky, forever and always.

missing you forevs

You are so loved and I can’t wait for the day we get to laugh together again.

tell sister i said hello.

6 years never seemed so long…

 

Be love,

Choose love,

Kels

1Comment
  • Ouida Aday
    Posted at 01:41h, 01 February Reply

    I love you, Kelsey. One thing I know is this…she loved you three girls and your dad with all she had. Hugs to all of you.

Post A Comment