03 Sep Life is precious & so are you…
Every day I have subtle, little, reminders that life is so very precious.
A song on the radio or the bold, black smell of coffee.
That this life I’m living isn’t guaranteed.
And when I say guaranteed, it’s easy to imagine a death to make that word have meaning.
Yesterday I woke up to sad, horrible, rotten, just heartbreaking news.
Yet, another reminder that this life is precious.
A great friend of mine, my families and this ever so growing communities, sweet boyfriend was tragically killed.
To know death so personally. To see it and feel it and watch it is one thing.
But to feel it for someone else, is indeed another.
For the majority of the morning I just couldn’t wrap my head around it.
How in a split of an instant, a second, maybe even a millisecond a life was taken from this earth.
A life that was loved and needed.
A life that left behind a family.
A family that needed and loved him dearly.
That feeling of your heart beating faster, yet your breath slowing.
Images of vivid memories and faces scroll like a slideshow through your clustered and blank brain.
It’s a familiar feeling for me. I’ve felt like this more times than I should’ve in my 26 years.
But to know that, at this moment, my feelings were only minuscule to what others were feeling made my stomach hurt.
Because I have been there.
And I don’t believe any death is the same.
Just like any love is the same.
That any life is the same.
And people deal with the same situation in a hundred different ways.
In this instant all I could think about was that in my experiences I had the opportunity to say goodbye to my mom and sister.
That I had that precious and heart-wrenching time to sit down and hold their hands.
To talk and reminisce.
To say those special words and tragically the most underrated words in the human language.
I love you.
I appreciate you.
I will miss you forever… and then some.
To tell them that you will live a happy and joyful life without them by your side.
And while I fully believe that watching the person you love wither away and day by day lose their passion, soul, and will to live is terrifying and ungodly horrific.
I have never experienced how it feels to lose someone without warning.
To not be prepared.
To not anticipate a life without them.
And for that I feel, in an awfully contradicting way, lucky.
The thing is, we all endure many little deaths throughout our lives…
Death of relationships…
Death of memories and houses…
Death of goals and dreams…
Death of places and irrefutable, the death of staying young and happy.
But ultimately; we should all have a short term goal, as well as, a long term goal.
My short term goal is to be happy.
My long term goal, is to also, be happy.
Simple. Yet so easily complicated.
But in the pursuit of reaching that goal, every single day, I have had to come to the realization that sorrow is the other side of love and happiness, and it shapes us, defines us and makes us unique.
So with that I demand that you do something, anything, every single day that makes you happy.
That as you grow older and you learn what you love and who you love, that you share happiness with others,
but most importantly, with yourself.
Because life is precious and so are you.
“The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you’re faced with a tragedy, a loss so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning, the seconds keep ticking.”
“He placed me in a little cage away from gardens fair; but I must sing the sweetest songs because he placed me there. Not beat my wings against the cage if it’s my makers will, but raise my voice to heaven’s gate and sing the louder still.”
So now we have another angel watching over us…
And yet another reason to live a good life.
Even when its hard…
*Amber, sweet girl, i love you. I am so sorry for you. You are strong, you are courageous and you are a gracious and wonderful mother. I know you’re sad and that’s okay. Be sad, be mad and most of all feel it all. I am praying so hard for you all.
In hopes to help and raise money for the Mancha-Casanova family a Go-Fund Me page has been created.
Follow the link to lighten the burden of any extra expenses of funeral services for Jaime.