11 Apr And I think maybe, I was designed to be alone…
I know it seems like nobody will understand.
And that nobody new,
will want to take the risk.
The risk of being a part of your story.
The story that you’re building day by day.
But also, the story that has chapters of sorrow and darkness.
That maybe your past is too much for someone else.
I know you get scared to have to explain yourself
and the things that have molded and built you.
How your heart was wrecked
and might still be.
Why even when you say you aren’t broken,
There are still pieces that aren’t put together just right yet.
I’m sure you’re thinking that nobody will want to bear your burdens,
And be interested in the bits of you that are still unknown.
I bet your asking yourself how do you trust yourself,
to trust another,
or even ever at all.
Because you know that if you stay unaccompanied, there’s no danger in failing
and when all you’ve known is leaving,
the safety net of life is solidarity.
And I know there are times,
When you wonder what kind of person would want to dig into the depths of you.
The parts that you aren’t sure you want to be seen again.
To have to explain who people are,
Who people were,
And who people will forever be.
And who you were before all of it happened.
That when you think of your life as a whole, your past is the largest part.
And you ask yourself if taking someone down that unrecognizable road is even worth it.
But mostly for them.
I know you contemplate the struggles,
The small moments that took away joy and replaced even the most hidden places of your soul with scars.
And if I’m right, you’re scared to acknowledge that your scars are real, but they are over.
And you ask yourself,
who would choose to be a part of something,
That only seems real, because you were the one that lived it.
But don’t worry, it’s okay to feel this way.
To feel like you’ll never really “be ready.”
To answer the endless, “how are you single?”
With a mere smile and a quick joke.
Because being alone comes easily.
And you don’t have to explain it to anyone else.
But to think of the wall that guards your happy heart and freeing soul.
Coming down for another.
That’s a game that you are fearfully anxious to play.
So you sit on the sidelines,
Proud of the independence that you have built.
But the scars of your past are just that.
In the past.
So take your time,
Because ive realized that the more times you lose yourself,
You end up coming back with more of yourself,
then you ever had before.
Somebody won’t only fall in love with your smile and grace,
But they’ll fall in love with the scars,
Your unsteady moments,
The war you went through.
That makes you,
And when that happens,
And restore yourself in it.
“And I think maybe, I was designed to be alone.”
You are pure fire,
Today is no different,